i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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