you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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