The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
