i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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