I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
