I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize