just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
