sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
