We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
