Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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