My first STD was from a foam party
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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