Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
