who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
