I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
