quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
