there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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