laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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