1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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