Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
