guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
