True but thats because hes a fetus.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
