I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
