Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
