His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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