You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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