if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
