There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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