Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
