to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
