found the other keg... it's in the tree
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
