____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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