You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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