May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hippo gnu deer
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
