I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
