man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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