he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize