I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize