The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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