dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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