you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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