I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
