Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
