saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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