what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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