Well now I have my semen on her headphones
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
