I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
