you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
