I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
