i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
