I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A bitchslap is in order.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
