weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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