I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
