There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My pussy is not your playground.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
