my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
