brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
