i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
