There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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