I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
