Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
