i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
