I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
