i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
