Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
