Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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