WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
