Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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