he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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