I think im going to throw up on grandma
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
