There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
