he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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