i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's Friday. Sex?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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