38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
