where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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