Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
