Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize