The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
