It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
