I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
