If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
